my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
