to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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