the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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