Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
