I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
