that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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