She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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