I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What a dumb baby whore.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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