You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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