I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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