Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
