At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
