TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
