I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
