its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
