just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
