She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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