maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i think i have herpe
just one?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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