I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
