it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just googled if crying burns calories
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
