I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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