Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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