no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
