therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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