He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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