i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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