Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am one with the molecules
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
