smell my finger.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
