you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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