my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
