Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
