ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
