Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Is it penis luge time yet?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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