Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
