Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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