I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
