just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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