I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
