the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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