quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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