Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
