Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
