they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't turn off my feet"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
