I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
