his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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