That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I want to be your penis for a week.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
