new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
