we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize
