I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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