Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
