well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
