Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
