she was so not down for the gang bang
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
