my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When are your genitals available?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
