At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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