Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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