i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
